Starting in the deepest pitts

As mentioned in my first blog I feel I'm a gothic hero. I feel different than everyone, I feel as if nobody realizes I'm different. Not that many people understand my thoughts except for two or three of my friends. My heart is another misunderstood part of me, the way I feel towards things, the way I love make me different even a little alienated.

The People of Earth

I wonder why people are so judgemental. We wonder why people kill each other but we go out and make fun of the same people. It makes no sense. We as people have become so blind that we don't see that we push people towards the disorders that they suffer from. Our views on mental disorders is one of hatred I will admit that, before I took a few steps back and thought about what I was doing, I used to make fun of those with disorders. I now realize I have a common but hurtful disorder too. I've realized that I suffer from depression. It's not as serious as other peoples but it is still present.

My Pain

My pain started with my ex-girlfriend. She was my first love, my first outlet, my first true life. I put my whole heart into the relationship with her. Although I feel it is her fault were not together, I know it's not. I made a mistake in that relationship, I put both feet in the water before I knew the temperature. I burned myself in that relationship not her. I even had many chances to start over with her, but even then I made many more bad decisions, I decided to fight with her. I prayed for chance after chance and we would fight every time. Now I pray I could just get rid of all of the pain. Every day I wake up feeling great but no matter what I do or where I go there is something that reminds me of her. I spend atleast thirty minutes everyday thinking of her, thinking of our good times our bad. I still know the one text messege that started this pain all I had to do was play it cool, but I decided to fight a battle that cost me the war. In that fight my mind covered my heart, my anger that was building from stress took control and she was the first target seen. She hadn't wronged me is the story my memory tells so why did I wrong her my analytical mind can't process.

Why so strange

Our thoughts as people make no sense to those who understand what I'm going to say in this post. Were clueless. Were so worked up on names and we forget that before names people didn't have trouble so mhy do we think it will be so hard without them. I mean think of it like this when kids are young and I don't mean ten or somthing like that I mean like two and three, if you were to teach these kids that the sky is green and the grass was blue then they would believe that the sky was green and the grass was blue. So what Is the point of these names. Well lets look at it like this for those of you who dind't understand that. By naming a beautiful magnolia tree in full blossom a magnolia tree did it make the tree more or less beautiful than it was without the name. Yes or no it's just an opinion and can only be justified by your thoughts and yours only others may agree but that doesn't make it right......does it? I don't have the slightest clue but I know it's not wrong.

Is It All Worth It

Sure life is full of ups and downs but is it all worth it. I know I sound suicidal but I'm not. I'm as sane as possible at the moment so what makes it all worth it to you? What makes it all worth it to mwe is my family and my sis, she isn't blood but she might as well be we are the best of friends and we know how each other think.

Ending

Well I've let loose all I can think of so good-bye until next blog Dueces.!.!.!